Hitting alt-shift-delete on my career

I haven’t really come to terms with what I did the other day. I think only maybe twice has it given me a deep pit in my stomach.

I took all my gear and sold it all. All my lenses, my camera bodies—gone. I don’t know what overcame me that day, but I have desperately wanted to get out of what I did for many years. I was unhappy and felt like I was stuck in a box of weddings and family portraiture. I was not creative and could not get out shooting the same basic shot over and over. I can’t even begin to express my utter unhappiness.

I spent the good part of 7 years shifting my career. I’m going to try to make this short and simple. Starting in 2016, I studied to become a medical assistant and worked as one in tandem with being a photographer. Then in 2019, I went back to school to finish core classes to be able to be accepted into the nursing program at Miami Dade College.

In the year 2020, I lived through one of the biggest challenges of my life. All the weddings and work I was booked for disappeared in a blink of an eye during the pandemic. The universe, in one fell swoop, did to me what I couldn’t do for myself—free me from working as a photographer. For the first time in my life, I found myself with no work. Most people probably would have panicked. I know that I probably should have since I’m not rich, but I was literally so relieved. As fucked up as it sounds, in the middle of a deadly pandemic, I was the happiest I had ever been in years and I knew it was only because I didn’t have to work.

I ramped up my education and finally finished my Associates in Nursing in December of 2022. My last official wedding was March 2023 and my last official portrait session was in June 2023.

So, this brings me back to selling all my camera gear. I didn’t want to have the excuse that I could work because I don’t want to work. I can’t say no not anything or anyone. If that doesn’t tell you how desperate I was to never do another wedding ever again, I don’t know what else I could tell you. (Honestly, I could tell you so much more and go on and on, but I digress.)

I am no longer moonlighting as a medical assistant. I am working as a full time nurse now. I do still want to do photography, but not as something my life depends on to pay the bills. Photography can now be something I do for fun, for joy, and I can finally not give a fuck what you think about it.

I’m experimenting…

and this is just the beginning.

Personal Project: "Family day in Jutiapa, Guatemala"

When I was three-years-old, my mother, brother, and I emigrated to the United States from Guatemala to reunite with my father in Miami, FL. My father, an undocumented immigrant, was in Miami to work and support his young family back home. My mom told me we were just supposed to visit him and return—but that wasn’t what happened. My mother said my father found it hard to let us go, and she decided to leave it all behind at the chance that this would be better for us all.

For the past thirty-three years, I had not once gone back to Guatemala. I had not met ninety percent of my family. Personally, I did not know where I was from.

When we did decide to go back, it was without my father. He passed away very suddenly, and just as suddenly, our world came crashing down. The regret sunk in. I really started hating the things I couldn’t change. Why did we not come back together before? My parents always traveled back and forth to visit family, but my brother and I never joined them. Nevertheless, the present is now and here we were in Guatemala.

It was a brief three day journey. I told my mom that I needed to see just a couple things and it would be the most successful trip of my life. I wanted to see where they both grew up and where they both met and fell in love. And we got to do that.

As insignificant as it might look to someone else (“These are the fabulous pictures from Guatemala?”), it was treasure to me. This post highlights our second day there. We spent a day in my mom’s hometown of Jutiapa with her family. We all got to know each other, got to know the town and hear some stories, and most important of all, eat!

(By the way, that hard boiled egg my aunt was eating was found inside the hen after they cooked and cut it apart, and my mom is holding up the hen’s heart. And they were supposed to have more hen at the table, but one of the hens was stolen by a cat the night before. And that juice is tamarind juice, best juice ever and will always remind me of my childhood. And yes, there are three photographers within the same block, so I can’t move there and start a small business. Ha!)

A day in the life…

… imagining what could’ve been.

Project Concept: "Getting old... Gracefully I hope"

I have been away in la-la-land for more than 90 days. I have done small pieces of work, but nothing significant. I feel sometimes that when I start with my self-portrait, it stems ideas and the inkling of taking on another project. I really need to get my act together.

Getting Old…

…feeling gravity…

...age gracefully with me

Project Concept: "You either need to be on a desktop..." etc.

I absolutely love that Louie always gives me the flexibility to create really abstract images. Lone wolf in a vast space.

I wish I could print them big. My intention with these images was for them to be seen on a larger scale. So, yeah, useless online.

So if you haven't already, turn your phones to the side or get on a computer/laptop/what-have-you.

You either need to be on a desktop…

…or turn your phone sideways to appreciate this

Turn it sideways with me...

Shout out: "Oh the places you'll go"

I've had the great luck of traveling for work. It allows me to see things I probably would never get to see otherwise. Although it is nice, some day I hope I get to travel for fun and leisure.

I got to experience Cuba like a tourist/voyeur. I wrote about it in more depth on a blog post I did for Maloman Studios. (Stephan was awesome enough to take me along his engagement session in Havana)

You can check out the text there and enjoy both our pictures. Same place, different points of view.

Oh the places you’ll go

My experience in Havana

Walk with me...

Project Concept: "My School Retrospective"

I’ve gone down so many roads through my short lifetime that I forget to look back every once in a while. I’m super lucky to have had the opportunity to take a closer look at my high school and it made me want to do the same with my other schools, but in today’s climate, that wasn’t a possibility.

So from preschool through college, I hope you enjoy the views that, in me, inspire laughter, a little embarrassment, and a whole lot of pride.

My School Restropective

Hope it inspires you to think about how far you’ve come

Reminisce with me...

First Self Portrait of 2018

Last year was a tough year for my family. We lost my father to a sudden illness. It was devastating and continues to be a very sad event for us. For so long, I chose to avoid being a part of life and I refused to even talk about it publicly. When I decided to take these self portraits, I wanted it to be cathartic. I wanted to accept what happened, state that I was and am still incredibly sad, and try to move forward with my family.

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